If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
