i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
