Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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