Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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