I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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