we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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