When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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