Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
