She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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