ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
