Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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