Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
