I'm jealous of your bromance
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
