just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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