If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
