The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
