3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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