if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize