Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
