I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
