Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
