my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
