For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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