your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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