All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
