Christians are straight up FREAKS
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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