tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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