Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
