i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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