My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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