she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
