How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
