It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
