I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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