Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
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The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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