new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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