When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize