people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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