I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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