were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
