My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
we're so committed to being not committed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
