When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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