ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
