If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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