There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's Friday. Sex?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
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You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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