i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
