You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
