the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
