Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
