if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
