I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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