Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
