You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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