I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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