omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
