Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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