Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
