his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
