Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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