Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
