DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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