If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
two words: eviction party
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My ass is underappreciated
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
