I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize