Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
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he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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